mmmMMMmmm : Alfa Romeo GTA Monza
I’ve heard of some fucking weird things that people do to themselves in order to stay healthy. Things such as bikram yoga and crash diets. 3 days a week at the gym and a 12 day detox program would be enough for me once I start doing it…when I start I don’t know.
It can be seen as either fortunate or unfortunate but we live in a time that has an endless quest for perfection and individuals are so driven to achieve their vision. Due to this, good things such as world peace and timelessly elegant jewellery were created. Due to this, bad things such as ethnic cleansing and animal testing were thought about. There are people out there that want to live forever. Although in this present time, it’s not possible (Michael Bay thinks it is after watching his movie, The Island) . If you can’t make it last forever then what do you do?. You make it last longer. Sport shoes, car tires, paint. All designed to last longer. All complimentary products to make something else last longer or perform better. Usually both. Deep hydrating daily facial exfoliating toning pore cleaning moisturizer whoop di dos is yet another item you can add to the list of products, therapies and remedies to help prolong life. Age defying. But the one that takes the cake in my list of ridiculous things is hydro colonic therapy. Whether it’s a treatment to prolong life or something to just improve your well being I don’t know, but it sounds freaky. Defined in my terms it’s hydro = water stuff, colon = a part inside your ass, therapy = something to make you better. Translated into something I would understand, water in your ass making you feel somewhat better. Now in no way does the sound of a hose spraying water into my ass feel therapeutic or improve my wellbeing. It actually makes me feel quite uncomfortable.
It was described to me as if the doctor was giving me instructions. Hydro colonic therapy is a process where a tube/hose/pipe is shoved up my exit door and flushed with water to ‘cleanse’ one of the most important parts of my excrement’s route of travel. The second being my mouth where shit constantly flows out, it’s happening even now. And as funny as it may sound *chuckles * there are people that do this to people and/or have it done to themselves. Believe it or not. Check out www.coloncarecentre.com.au. There’s actually call it a care centre. It’s like a day care centre but for your ass. These fuckers have a client base of 4000 and 3 locations across Sydney. If you do go, expect to pay between $600-$800 for 5 therapeutic sessions and take your colon to colonic bliss.
I never knew what a colon was until a friend of mine had it violated with a garden hose. I always thought this : was a colon. The process sounds quite simple. They ram a hose up your ass, fill you with 10-20 litres of water (I was told your stomach expands like a balloon which is cool, but not cool enough) and then the colon doctor tells you to “go”. The coolness of the stomach expansion is overridden by the clear tube where you can watch today’s breakfast and the built up of all the other previous breakfasts from past years flow out of your body and through this water tube. Similar to the time when G-Unit, D12, Ruff Ryders and Murda Inc went to Wet & Wild water park on the Gold Coast.
Ya see the colon has multiple layers and over the years excrement builds up and they all sort of get together and hang out at The Colon Hotel with other excrements and wait for the fireman of their dreams, equipped with his mighty hose to come along and carry them away through a sea of love. The flushing process has to be performed several times to clean out the colon properly because you have to remove layer by layer. Ya see you get the regulars that sort of don’t know when to leave the pub. They’re still there even when it’s past closing time and everyone’s gone home and they’re basically just keeping the bar staff company. It’s on week nights at The Colon Hotel.
I guess I’m old fashioned and anything up my ass means I’m Greek but I don’t think I’ll really grasp the healthy/look younger concept until a few years from now. I enjoy my dayspas and I’ve faster for a few days but I doubt shitting liquefied shit through a tube in a box shaped room accompanied by a “therapeutic professional” will convince me to take a step closer to improved well being or inevitably a quest for perfection. I’ll sacrifice for my dignity for the time being.
posted by Ben @ 8:34 PM
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